I got to admit it’s getting better. Getting better all the time

Drew Lazor: City Paper

Survival Tip #5: When all else fails, get drunk

 

Check out Drew Lazor’s detective work here. I see some huge potential for cross promotions with Yakitori Boy and I am already getting wet for Spring Openings in Philly.

A Good Round Up: The Flower Show

Survival Tip #4: Foodbooz is no fool when it comes to what’s happening

http://philadelphia.foobooz.com/2011/03/04/help-im-going-to-the-flower-show/

Sometimes it is effective to speak as though English is your second language

When it comes to getting where I need to go and getting out of Chinatown, I am often forced to choose the lesser of three evils:

1. Battle the elements and characters of the streets and walk where I need to go

2. Hunt down a cab and hope for the best

3. Public transportation

More often than not, I choose to take a cab. Like most things in life, the first step is the hardest: Where/how do I get a cab?

Do I have the time to call and wait an unpredictable amount of time for the cab to arrive or do I take my chances finding one on the street? The quickest place to catch a cab is on Filbert St. in front of the Greyhound Station (Between 10th & 11th). Usually there will always be a line of cabs ready and able to get you where you are heading.

Your next best shot of waving down a taxi is on Market Street or 11th Street across from Wawa. If you are on Arch or Race Streets, your chances are very slim.

Things to remember when you wave down a Philadelphia taxi-cab:

The universal sign of whether or not a cab is available should be the light on its roof. If the light is ON, then it is supposed to be available. If the light is OFF, then the cab is off-duty or has passengers. I couldn’t even begin to explain why this is not so in Philly. Be prepared to flap your arms at a cab with its roof light on and watch it speed right by you.  In the same respect, if you see a cab with its light off, give it a shot anyway.

Cab drivers are rarely able to associate a building with a location or even an address for that matter. It is best to use intersections as destinations. (i.e. If you are going to The Bellevue, you should say you are going to Broad & Walnut).

Avoid misinterpretations due to language barriers: When saying numbered streets, it’s best to drop the “th” or “st” after the number.  I told a cab driver that I am going to 30th & Market. He pulled over at 13th & Market.  I should have said, “I am going to thirty & Market.” Also enunciate (i.e. You are going to 3rd & Vine, but the driver hears 3rd & Pine).

I prefer to call and have a cab sent to me, but this option requires some extra diligence and leads us to my next survival tip…

Tip #3: Build a Good Repoire with a Cab Company

Much like building a good credit score; protect your identity. It took a  lot of patience and kindness to finally achieve a friendly tone and a quick pick-up from my go-to cab company.  Now, I have a very low “cab credit score” due to poor cab co-signing . For a few years, I managed a bar and would  call cabs for drunken patrons at last call. Knowing that if I called from my cell phone the cab would come quicker; (Thus getting me home quicker once the drunks were gone) I had made a major mistake. . Naturally, drunks migrate and leave while moments later, you receive a call that, “Your cab is here.”

After a period of ditching the hospitality and rebuilding my cab credit score, I encountered another face of identity theft: “The friend that pisses cab drivers off.” Cabs are a true test of patience and may bring out the crazy in even the most relaxed person. One of my favorite people, a hot little thing that has the grace of a lady but sometimes the mouth of a sailor has yet to realize that pissing off a cabbie only makes things worse. She is the woman that every cab driver fears. She’s not the problem; it’s the cab drivers and she’ll be the first to inform them (In a not so diplomatic way). You’ve probably heard her screaming, “What the f#$@ A$^hole!” as an occupied cab speeds by with their “Available” light glowing in her time of transportation need. I used to let her use my cell phone to call for a pick-up. Now when I call, I don’t make it pass the hold music.

In the meantime, the warmer weather is close by and walking to catch a cab will be more enjoyable.

When you call, don’t mention I referred you and remember: Patience is a Virtue

Liberty Cab: 215-389-8000

Olde City Taxi: 215-247-7678

If you don’t know, now you know… Ninja

What are the grocery shopping options for residents of Chinatown? Whole Foods & Superfresh are too far removed unless you prefer the burden and additional expense of cab fare. The food markets of Chinatown have no regard for food safety and are located in buildings that should be condemned.

My first attempt at grocery shopping in Chinatown started with a suggestion from an Asian insider. I was told to go to “Asia Supermarket” on Race Street. I was apprehensive but knowing it would be cheap, I started my search for the much talked about market.

Still  traumatized, I will only say this:

It feels illegal to be inside that building.

The grocery store is in the basement.

Everything is in Chinese and unless you have an Asian ambassador  with you, the employees won’t be of any help.

The novelty of shopping in a this market lasts less than a minute.

Shining brighter than David Bowie in the center of the Labyrinth stands Reading Terminal Market. Get to know it well because it will be your greatest resource. The streets of Chinatown, filled with bad drivers and even less capable pedestrians toting red plastic bags, will be the first gauntlet you face, and will require patience (I always recommend self medicating). Once you get to the Market, it is easy to feel overwhelmed by your options of vendors.  The next gauntlet you will face are narrow passages filled with strollers stocked beyond capacity with organic babies, adorable but slow-moving packs of the elderly, tourists, and people  in wheelchairs. A better name would have been Black Friday Market.

TIPS

KEEP RIGHT & PASS ON THE LEFT

the most basic of rules that goes right out the window in Chinatown & RTM. be part of the solution and not the problem.

AVOID FILBERT STREET

higher pan-handler population. more congested than arch street doors

RESPECT YOUR ELDERS BUT DON’T GET TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF

the elderly that travel in packs will get in your way and clog pathways. though they do not have much time left here in life, they show no sense of urgency. be patient and be kind. remember, they are probably someone’s grandparent. be cautious of the elders that are flying solo. they will cut in line and act unaware of their surroundings. beware of the ones who cast the evil eye. these gypsies seem to prefer the darker and damper side of the market over by Iovine Brother’s Produce

THE AMISH ARE AMERICA’S LEPRECHAUNS

know when and where the amish vendors are located. one moment they may be there and the next, they vanish with their pots of golden treats

Pennsylvania Dutch Vendors

Wednesday 8:00 am–3:00 pm

Thursday–Saturday 8:00 am–5:00 pm

Closed Sunday

If you’re hungry and looking to eat right now, try these spots:

Survival Tip #2:

At all times know where the nearest exit is located

READING TERMINAL MARKET IS OPEN:

Monday-Saturday 8-6pm

Sunday 9-5pm

For more information, check out RTM’s site:

http://www.readingterminalmarket.org/

Like most long-term relationships, you might ask: “How did I get here?”

My relationship with Chinatown began as a child when my mother brought my brother and I to Reading Terminal for pretzels from the Amish and dim sum for lunch… Even as a kid, I remember thinking to myself: “What the hell is going on here?”  It felt like the twilight zone or some makeshift neighborhood containing hidden portals to places I had no desire of knowing. I was baffled by what filled the 5 block radius we explored that day. One minute we were in a crowded market eating Amish food; the next minute we were in some aquarium eating dog for lunch; then we found ourselves by some highway where it’s clear Chinatown ends (or does it?); and then before I knew it, we were in a “mall” where every shop was a dollar store. Twenty years later, I find myself living in the center of all of this. Was this an arranged marriage that my parents have been grooming me for since I was a kid, or did I piss off Allah in a previous life?

With the ridiculous notion of living close to work and lured by cheap rent, I left my place in Old City and set up shop in Chinatown. After what will be 3 years of living like an immigrant, I have learned the tricks and tips of what I like to call: “Stuff white people like for black people prices” and hope that others like me; who find themselves living in what seems to be the 7th level of Dante’s Inferno, might also see the light that shines on the other side of market street.

TIP #1: They will just stare at you if you order a “Chinese Pizza”

If you grew up in the suburbs or anywhere else where your dishwasher wasn’t replaced with a rice cooker, then chances are you prefer what I call “American Chinese” food (i.e. Beef on stick, Chinese pizza (aka scallion pancake), dumplings that meet FDA standards, etc.). Shocking, I know. But you won’t find that in Chinatown.  I recommend:

Number 1 Chinese Restaurant
639 South Street, Philadelphia, PA 19147-2101
(215) 574-9639

The first time I ordered from here, the delivery guy looked so confused that he was delivering Chinese food to Chinatown. If you order from here, don’t be surprised if there is extra food in the bag that you didn’t order. For a good 6 months, whenever I would order they would always include either a free order of General Tso’s chicken or fried rice. I came to believe that I was a VIP customer that always got hooked up. But I’m an idiot. In actuality, everyone who orders gets something for free, depending on how much money is spent . Perhaps VIP in Chinese is code for fat-ass.

If you must order from Chinatown, Ho Sai Gai, on the corner of 10th & Race is the next best thing to “American Chinese.” There are 2 Ho Sai Gai’s, so be sure to order from the new one located across from David’s Mai Lai Wah. I plan to further discuss the Ho Sai Gai’s another time, but for now you should definitely know that Ho Sai Gai is open until 4am and sells beer to go.